The Birthing Class: Do You Really Need It?

Last night I was wandering the halls of a local hospital in search of a bathroom. (Why was I there?  It's a long story--and no, I wasn't there for myself. I was just accompanying someone else who is currently fine.)  Anyway, as a pregnant woman, I became desperate in my search for a bathroom when I realized that the one closest to my waiting room was blocked off.  Thus, I began a long, long trek down multiple hallways until some nice girl pointed me in the proper direction.  Ironically, this bathroom was located near the L & D suite. 

Anyway, while I was on my journey, I noticed a husband and pregnant wife who were leaving the hospital with their arms full of stuff--but with no baby.  I actually felt a stab of pity for them.  2 years ago, I had the opportunity to visit the hospital twice in preterm labor and still leave with no baby. (Thankfully, the 3rd time was the charm when I brought home the cutest little boy.) 

A few minutes later as I was exiting the bathroom, I noticed another couple walking out loaded with things and no baby.  And then, as more couples started leaving the classroom nearby, it occurred to me that these poor souls were taking a birthing class!  I laughed so hard and just wanted to yell "suckers!" to those poor people. 

Don't get me wrong, I think there is definitely a time and place for birthing/parenting classes (i.e. if you're having a home birth or are really committed to no drugs).  And some parents who don't have a clue about childbirth probably need these classes.  But generally speaking, these classes can also be deceiving and can fill daddies and mommies-to-be with unrealistic expectations of the birthing process.  They can also be a huge waste of time and money.

I did not take a birthing class. In fact, my wise doctor informed me that it wasn't really necessary.  Either way, he was still going to deliver my baby.  As it turned out with my first baby, no birthing class could have prepared me for the crazy events that took place.  Plus, my husband really felt better NOT knowing what was going to happen.   He figured that the class would gross him out.   So, as shocking as it sounds, this type-A couple (who were also law students at the time) decided to wing it.  And we survived.  Or more importantly, our son survived, thrived and was sleeping through the night in a matter of weeks. 

So I guess the moral of the story is this: if you want to take a birthing class to be prepared, do so at your own risk.  You'll probably learn some useful things.  But you could just as easily read a book, watch TLC, or wing it like I did.  If you have the time and money to devote to positions, stretches, and breathing techniques (which I never needed), then go for it.  But just remember this: having a baby is unpredictable.  Very rarely does a birth--especially for a first-time mom--go as planned.

If you read my bio you might argue that as a registered nurse, I didn't need the classes because I already knew everything that would be taught at the class.  While it is true that I have a good handle on the stages of labor and the basics of childbirth, nursing school did not even remotely prepare me for the events of my first childbirth experience.  Quite the contrary is true--having a child made me a much more competent nurse (and now attorney).

Baby It'll Be Cold Outside

I know that I live in Texas, but deep down in my heart, I'm still a Northern Yankee.  Not a Yankee's fan, but an actual Yankee who enjoys things like meat and potatoes, sweaters, winter coats, fireplaces, and s'mores. And even though I'm in the process of planning a wardrobe for my future Southern Belle, I just can't resist some of the winter trends that are starting to peak up in the fashion world.  Besides, you never know about North Texas, sometimes it's actually cold in the winter.  My winter baby might actually get to wear some fuzzy boots and furry coats.  Who knows?

Anyway, hope you enjoy these finds as much as I did:

Juicy Couture fur coat.

Juicy Couture sailor jacket.

Boots from Baby Gap

Sweater from Old Navy

Juicy Couture Hi-top Zip Shoes

Baby Gap Cable Knit Beret

Mini Boden 'Stripy' Knit Dress from Nordstrom

Boots from Crazy 8

Some moms-to-be get this supposed "nesting" vibe, but I think I get a shopping bug during pregnancy.  There's nothing more fun than planning out a miniature wardrobe with fun pieces.  Besides, Dear Husband took it upon himself to design and decorate Baby G's nursery, freeing me up to do what I do best--shop!

The Day the Season Tickets Came

When I checked the mail this morning, we had a "special" package waiting for us in the mailbox.  It was our first-ever set of season tickets to a sporting event.  For years, Dear Husband and I have discussed getting season packages at various sporting venues, but this year we finally bit the bullet.  And appropriately (following my fabulous win last year in NCAA college football pick'em), we have tickets to NCAA Div I football for the 2012 season.  This year, we'll be cheering on the SMU Mustangs as they take on Conference USA.  Plus, as an alumna, my family and I get free tailgate meals at the law school tent pre-kickoff. How is this a bad plan?

Part of me thinks that getting season tickets during the fall when I will be well-advanced in my pregnancy might not be the best idea.  But the other part of me thinks that our 2 and 4 year old boys are going to love it!   How can you not love college football in Texas?  Besides, we really have to establish appropriate college loyalties while our guys are still young.

So anyway, I'm not sure if I'm up for the football pick 'em game this year.  It just seems wrong for a season ticket holder to be in a position where they might have to pick against their own team at some point.  So instead of my weekly brag posts (since I soundly defeated Dear Husband last season), this season, I'll try to share pics and stories of our family outings.  I have no doubt that we'll have plenty of stories to tell.  And who knows, maybe a little college football excitement will even put me into labor this November...

Train Pieces

 Grapevine (TX) Vintage RR.

The other night, my boys were riding in the car with my husband and they discussed their favorite topic--trains.  Since Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railway has it's headquarters near where we live, we have train tracks everywhere.  For little boys who love trains, we live in the best location.  We literally get to go under or over tracks just about every time we leave our house.  This typically leads to cheering and excitement from our back seat.

Anyway, my boys were discussing trains the other night with my husband when they came across a piece of track that had no barricade or flashing lights.  This troubled my oldest son.  He couldn't figure out why this part of the track didn't have a barricade.  When he builds his train tracks at home, he always includes barricades around the crossing areas.

After a few minutes, he apparently figured out the answer to his question.  He said, "Daddy, maybe God just ran out of pieces!"

Although I recognize that we have some theology to work on here, it does make me happy that my son realizes that God is not only our Creator, but also the One who is in control.  And I'm sure my son will be happy when he finally comes to understand that God never runs out of pieces.

Talking to a Mommy-to-be

“If you can’t say something nice… don’t say nothin’ at all.”

~Thumper, from Disney’s Bambi

Sometimes I think pregnancy turns me into a "touchy" person. I wouldn't say that I'm more sensitive when I'm pregnant, because I don't cry or get more emotional while pregnant. Instead, I've noticed that pregnancy seems to make me more defensive. For awhile, I was worried that some hormonal happenings were changing me. But I think I've become convinced that OTHER PEOPLE can be insensitive and rude, thus causing my motherly hackles to rise.

This phenomenon, of course, has made me rethink how I treat other women when I'm not pregnant. I really hope that I haven't offended other mommies-to-be in the past, so I'm creating rules to follow in the future. Based on my experiences as a pregnant woman (x3), here are my rules for making mothers-to-be feel good.

1) If a mommy-to-be tells you about her pregnancy ailments, DO NOT proceed to tell her how wonderful and snappy your pregnancy was. She doesn't care and just assumes that you're bragging. She wants to hear how miserable you were--misery always loves company.

2) Remember that baby's gender is outside of the mommy's control. So don't ever act disappointed or sad when discussing her baby's gender or potential gender. Just because a mommy has 2 boys doesn't mean that she wouldn't be as thrilled with 3 boys as she would be with 2 boys and a girl. Mommies need to love all their children, so celebrate a baby of any gender!

3) If a mommy registers for something that you are sure she doesn't need, don't tell her. There's so much baby stuff out there and new moms don't have a clue. I would have loved to have had another new mom share her insight on baby items, but no one did. So for my first baby, I just registered for what sounded good. Mommies can always make returns.

4) Don't ever make a condescending remark about a mommy's choice of nursery decor or baby gear. If you don't like something, keep your mouth shut. And if you think some baby clothes are ridiculous, who cares--it's not your kid. Most mommies dream of preparing for a baby, so let them enjoy it.

5) Don't share 50 million stories of what other mommies or mommies-to-be are doing. Pregnancy and parenting are journeys that we should all get to experience for ourselves. If we want advice, we usually seek it. Unsolicited advice from others makes us think that you don't approve of what we're doing.

6) Remember that all decisions related to delivery, breastfeeding, circumsicion, etc. are between the mommy and daddy and their doctor. It's none of your business. Pressuring a mommy to make a decision one way or the other causes unnecessary stress. And judging a mommy for the decision that she does make doesn't accomplish anything (but it does create enemies).

7) Be encouraging. Remind mommies that it's going to be ok if they have to have an epidural, or a c-section or an unexpected unmedicated delivery. Remind mommies that very few deliveries go as planned and yet everything still usually works out. DO NOT share horror stores from L & D prior to a mom's delivery. Save that for when she can share her story with you too.

8) Be supportive of however a mommy decides to parent (unless she's doing something that could obviously harm her baby). If she wants to use cloth diapers, let her. If she doesn't want to make her own baby food, don't judge her. And if she has to go back to work in 6 weeks and needs someone else to watch her baby, don't say anything to induce mommy-guilt.

I have met many, many mommies who I think are slightly crazy for some of their pregnancy and parenting decisions. But I've learned that the "to each her own policy" is a great rule. Just because I have a completely different parenting style doesn't make me better. And just because another mommy gets all her advice from some nutty book doesn't mean she'll be bad. I think most mommies are wired with pretty good maternal instincts. Thus, 3rd party commentary that isn't positive and supportive doesn't accomplish much.

So when it comes to conversing with mommies, remember that amazing rule that we all learned years ago from Bambi, "if you can't say something nice...don't say nothin' at all."

Time to Eat More Chicken

Just a reminder that today is August 1!  Per Governor Huckabee's request, today is the day to support your local Chick-Fil-A stores.  Let's remind the business community that it's ok to support Christian values and morals.  We live in a country where we're supposed to be given the right to speak freely.  So lets show our appreciation for this right by eating more chicken today. Happy Chick-Fil-A Day!

Time to Make the Birth Plan

So I'm officially past the half way point in my pregnancy (21+ weeks), and I'm to that point where I have to start thinking about planning for delivery and all the details associated with the birth plan.  A lot of my mommy friends are obsessed with parenting and birthing books when it comes to getting advice for making these decisions.  Some are consumed by the concept of doing everything "natural." While others have declared that they want the least painful approach to childbirth as possible.  All I can say to my friends is this: to each her own.  My personal goal in choosing a birth method is to do what is safest for my baby.

As a nurse attorney who has spent most of the last 3 years working in medical malpractice, I have my own unique perspective on child birth.  It seems that every month or so I get a new birth injury case across my desk.   I have seen a trend among these cases.  Too often something went wrong somewhere, somebody wasn't paying good enough attention, and the caregiver waited way too long to do a c-section, which if performed earlier would have prevented the birth injury and associated complications.  Based on the evidence in these cases (and my personal observations while rotating through L & D in nursing school), C-sections are not the horrible, unnecessary, monstrous procedures that many women view them to be.  In many cases, the c-section is the difference between a baby with brain damage vs. a healthy baby. 

My first delivery was a necessary and urgent c-section in light of some blood pressure and kidney problems I was experiencing.  But the 2nd time around, the ball was in my court and I was given the option of a repeat C-section or a VBAC.  In light of my experience with birth injury cases, I actually consulted one of my firm's medical experts to help me make my decision.  He said that the safest decision I could make for my baby was to deliver him via C-section.  Subsequently, I consulted other professionals on the matter who all agreed that there is no medical advantage to a VBAC.  Thus, I chose the safety first method and had a repeat C-section.  Ultimately this turned out to be a great decision since there was meconium in my water when it spontaneously broke at home.  A quicker delivery turned out to be a good thing for my baby.

This time around, I'm sticking with the decision to choose the safest delivery for my baby. I can honestly say that I don't feel the guilt and grief that other mothers do about not ever having a natural or pain-med free delivery.  For the life of me, I can't figure out why this bothers women.  I mean, I've never heard anyone complain about having their wisdom teeth removed under general anesthesia or having to have a surgical appendectomy.  So this whole mommy guilt that people feel about their deliveries is crazy.  Mommies should realize that the bottom line is this: your goal should be to deliver a healthy and happy baby.  Some mommies do this naturally. Some mommies do this with epidurals. And some mommies do this with surgery.  But regardless of how you deliver, you can still be an awesome mommy.

Praying for Him

Have you ever noticed that some people are hard to pray for?   It's not that you don't want to pray for that person, but sometimes you don't know how to go about praying for that person.   Or maybe you pray for that person frequently, but you kind of pray the same thing every day.  I've noticed that it's really easy to fall into this rut when you're praying for family members.

Our church started a prayer system this spring, and I've found it extremely helpful.  The men of our church have been praying for their wives, and us wives have been praying for our husbands with the assistance of websites: http://www.prayingforher.com/ and http://www.prayingforhim.com/. Both websites are sponsored by the National Prayer Room.  And when you sign up for the program, you are sent a daily challenge and scripture to help guide your prayers for your spouse for that day. 

I haven't quite finished my 31 day challenge, but my husband (who started his prayer program a month before I even knew about it) says that you can continue the prayer emails after the first month for free (although you might be asked for an optional donation at that point--just thought I'd warn you). 

Anyway, if you're looking for a way to spice up your prayer life or just want to pray for your spouse differently than you have been praying, consider starting your own 31 day program.  We've enjoyed discussing our prayer assignments together and have really appreciated the accountability. 

Daddy's Project

I just have to brag on my husband a little bit.  We found out 3 weeks ago that we're having a little girl, and he's already got her room ready to go!  He spent his 4th of July break transforming my nautical boy nursery to a girly room.  Not only did he do a fabulous job, but he also managed to paint straight, colorful stripes on one textured nursery wall (you know, the kind of wall that paint tape doesn't stick to very well). 

We've got a few more projects for this room before Baby G comes, but if she decided to show up sooner rather than later, she definitely has her own space now.  Yeah for Daddy!

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

I'm almost to the half way point of this pregnancy, and it's been a rough few months.  I certainly couldn't have accomplished half of what I've done (which honestly isn't that much) without the help of my family.  So today, I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone who has aided me in some way.

Thank you to my my mom for helping me with housework, laundry, and for painting my nursery.  Thanks to my dad for helping us fix things around the house.  Thanks to my father-in-law for saving the day when my fence collapsed.  Thanks to my mother-in-law for helping with housework.  Thanks to both my parents and in-laws for all of your babysitting services. Thanks to my grandparents for helping organize and clean the little boys' room, cleaning my kitchen, and helping me sort through boxes of baby boy clothes.  Thank you to my little boys for becoming little helpers too.  And especially, thank you to my wonderful husband for being an awesome team player.  Not only have you jumped in and helped with all the housework, but you've gone above and beyond by helping with meals, hiring a lawn service, and working super hard to get the nursery transformed into a beautiful little girl's space. 

Most importantly, thank you to my dear friends and family for all of your prayers.  My Heavenly Father has been helping me get through each day and He's given me relief when I've needed it.  I have been blessed with a sweet baby girl, a wonderful and supportive family, a skilled physician, and a Great Provider who is always there. 

I know that I'll have to say thank you many more times to all of you before this pregnancy is over, but I just wanted you all to know that I appreciate you and love you all!