A Sense of Mission: What We Can Learn From Paul Ryan

 "The disarming thing is his sense of mission is greater than his sense of ambition," says Ryan adviser David Smick, a Washington economic consultant. "This is disconcerting to his critics." 

~ excerpt from Fred Barnes: How Ryan Recasts the Race (Wall Street Journal, Aug. 20, 2012). 

I know that a lot of Christians (and people in general) think that following politics is a huge waste of time.  But I feel that we can learn a lot from politicians, and we can better preserve morality in our society if we pay attention to the nauseating world of politics.  

This morning, I heard Fred Barnes (an opinion writer for the Wall Street Journal) say something about Paul Ryan, the Republican Vice Presidential Candidate that really made me think.  He quoted David Smick, who said that Paul Ryan's appeal to people is that "his sense of mission is greater than his sense of ambition."  This missional attitude to serving our country is extremely appealing to the everyday person who is naturally distrustful of government officials who focus on polls and public appeal rather than public good.  Not only that, but it is threatening to critics who have committed their life's work to serving ambitious politicians.  The critics are finding it hard to cut down someone who is truly committed to doing what is best for others--not himself.  I guess Paul Ryan just represents the concept that sometimes the cause is greater than the man.  And the man who understands this and still fights for the cause, is truly hard to overcome.

As I contemplated the impact that Paul Ryan is having on politics, it occurred to me that if Christians had this same missional approach to life, we too could have an astounding impact on society.  If we truly lived our lives so that our sense of mission was greater than our personal ambition, the world would likely look very different.  If, instead of striving for material success in our jobs, Christians worked with a commitment to excellence and ethics, we could really change the workplace.  If, instead of striving to build mega churches and hit attendance quotas, our churches took their task of serving their communities and reaching out to the needy seriously, our churches might see healthy growth.  And if, Christian families aimed to raise godly children instead of "well-adjusted" individuals who can survive in this world, maybe our young people would be less tempted to cave into worldly pressure.

I think we all have personal ambitions that we have had to deal with in our lives.  For me, I had to understand that my professional success is meaningless if I'm not fulfilling my duty to be a submissive wife and a committed mother (following the example of the Prov 31 wife).  And yet still, I have ambitious ideas that I am understanding will have to be sacrificed if I'm going to truly live a missional life for the glory of God. 

It is my hope and prayer that someday people will say about me, "her sense of mission (for God's work) was greater than her sense of ambition."

The Smart Mommy

I heard something the other night that made me smile...

My oldest son was having a discussion with his father about building a train track in the living room.  I didn't hear all of the conversation, but at some point my husband told my son to go ask Mommy if it was ok.  Usually this happens when our little guy is negotiating really hard and my husband doesn't want to be the bad guy.  Although on occasion, Dear Husband does punt the ball on these kinds of questions when he's too wrapped up in a ballgame while working on his laptop.  (Who says men can't multitask?)  Anyway, my son didn't seem too happy about having to go ask mom. So he asked our favorite three letter word--"Why?"

Since we have informed him that most educated questions begin with 4 letters, he followed up this "why" with "is it because Mommy's really smart and is a nurse?"  I'm not sure what Dear Husband said in response, because I was too busy laughing to hear the rest of the talk.  I just figured I needed to absorb the moment when my son thinks I'm smart.  Unfortunately, I'm sure that this too shall pass.

A Marriage Legacy

In our small group this week, we discussed the issue of marriage and divorce.  To put the conversation in context, our leader asked each of us to describe our parents' marriages and the types of homes we grew up in.  Nothing about this request seemed that unusual to me until I started hearing all the other responses.  Out of a room of 16 church members, Dear Husband and I were the only married couple to have both come from a home where neither of our parents is or has ever been divorced.  Not only that, but we both come from families where none of our grandparents or aunts and uncles have ever been divorced.  Plus, neither of us ever even contemplated that our parents might ever get divorced.  We were both surprised to hear that this is not the norm family situation--even among church people.

Needless to say, our group discussion was actually different from what I expected this week.  We essentially discussed Sunday's sermon on the topic of Marriage, Divorce, and Re-Marriage (To hear this week's insightful sermon on marriage, please go here: Marriage, Divorce, and Re-Marriage), and I clearly took away a different application than many in my small group had taken.  I was encouraged by the emphasis that God's Word has on how good marriage is for people.  And I was surprised by our pastor's endorsement for young marriage.
 
All through law school, I heard people talk about how surprised they were that I was married (I started law school at the age of 24 and graduated when I was 28).  Everyone seemed to think that my marriage was doomed for failure because I had been such a young bride at the age of 22. Besides, it is common knowledge that few marriages survive law school--especially when both spouses are in two different schools in two different cities at the same time.  To many of my peers, my marriage was an anomaly.

That said, I've never really worried that I was married too young.  Since my mom was married when she was 20 and my mother-in-law was married at 18, I have had really great examples of how young love works.  It honestly never even crossed my mind that getting married at the age of 22 was risky.  Probably because it wasn't.  I am married to a Christian man who, like me, is committed to a life-long marriage.  For us, this is what marriage is supposed to be--this being reinforced by the examples of our families' marriages.

So while the rest of our small group has committed to starting legacies in their families for healthy marriages, Dear Husband and I have committed to continuing the legacy that has been passed down to us.  Thank you to all of our family members who have demonstrated to us what marriage is supposed to look like.  To come from families who have lived out God's design for marriage is truly a blessing.  Plus, it has made our marriage stronger.

The Birthing Class: Do You Really Need It?

Last night I was wandering the halls of a local hospital in search of a bathroom. (Why was I there?  It's a long story--and no, I wasn't there for myself. I was just accompanying someone else who is currently fine.)  Anyway, as a pregnant woman, I became desperate in my search for a bathroom when I realized that the one closest to my waiting room was blocked off.  Thus, I began a long, long trek down multiple hallways until some nice girl pointed me in the proper direction.  Ironically, this bathroom was located near the L & D suite. 

Anyway, while I was on my journey, I noticed a husband and pregnant wife who were leaving the hospital with their arms full of stuff--but with no baby.  I actually felt a stab of pity for them.  2 years ago, I had the opportunity to visit the hospital twice in preterm labor and still leave with no baby. (Thankfully, the 3rd time was the charm when I brought home the cutest little boy.) 

A few minutes later as I was exiting the bathroom, I noticed another couple walking out loaded with things and no baby.  And then, as more couples started leaving the classroom nearby, it occurred to me that these poor souls were taking a birthing class!  I laughed so hard and just wanted to yell "suckers!" to those poor people. 

Don't get me wrong, I think there is definitely a time and place for birthing/parenting classes (i.e. if you're having a home birth or are really committed to no drugs).  And some parents who don't have a clue about childbirth probably need these classes.  But generally speaking, these classes can also be deceiving and can fill daddies and mommies-to-be with unrealistic expectations of the birthing process.  They can also be a huge waste of time and money.

I did not take a birthing class. In fact, my wise doctor informed me that it wasn't really necessary.  Either way, he was still going to deliver my baby.  As it turned out with my first baby, no birthing class could have prepared me for the crazy events that took place.  Plus, my husband really felt better NOT knowing what was going to happen.   He figured that the class would gross him out.   So, as shocking as it sounds, this type-A couple (who were also law students at the time) decided to wing it.  And we survived.  Or more importantly, our son survived, thrived and was sleeping through the night in a matter of weeks. 

So I guess the moral of the story is this: if you want to take a birthing class to be prepared, do so at your own risk.  You'll probably learn some useful things.  But you could just as easily read a book, watch TLC, or wing it like I did.  If you have the time and money to devote to positions, stretches, and breathing techniques (which I never needed), then go for it.  But just remember this: having a baby is unpredictable.  Very rarely does a birth--especially for a first-time mom--go as planned.

If you read my bio you might argue that as a registered nurse, I didn't need the classes because I already knew everything that would be taught at the class.  While it is true that I have a good handle on the stages of labor and the basics of childbirth, nursing school did not even remotely prepare me for the events of my first childbirth experience.  Quite the contrary is true--having a child made me a much more competent nurse (and now attorney).

Baby It'll Be Cold Outside

I know that I live in Texas, but deep down in my heart, I'm still a Northern Yankee.  Not a Yankee's fan, but an actual Yankee who enjoys things like meat and potatoes, sweaters, winter coats, fireplaces, and s'mores. And even though I'm in the process of planning a wardrobe for my future Southern Belle, I just can't resist some of the winter trends that are starting to peak up in the fashion world.  Besides, you never know about North Texas, sometimes it's actually cold in the winter.  My winter baby might actually get to wear some fuzzy boots and furry coats.  Who knows?

Anyway, hope you enjoy these finds as much as I did:

Juicy Couture fur coat.

Juicy Couture sailor jacket.

Boots from Baby Gap

Sweater from Old Navy

Juicy Couture Hi-top Zip Shoes

Baby Gap Cable Knit Beret

Mini Boden 'Stripy' Knit Dress from Nordstrom

Boots from Crazy 8

Some moms-to-be get this supposed "nesting" vibe, but I think I get a shopping bug during pregnancy.  There's nothing more fun than planning out a miniature wardrobe with fun pieces.  Besides, Dear Husband took it upon himself to design and decorate Baby G's nursery, freeing me up to do what I do best--shop!

The Day the Season Tickets Came

When I checked the mail this morning, we had a "special" package waiting for us in the mailbox.  It was our first-ever set of season tickets to a sporting event.  For years, Dear Husband and I have discussed getting season packages at various sporting venues, but this year we finally bit the bullet.  And appropriately (following my fabulous win last year in NCAA college football pick'em), we have tickets to NCAA Div I football for the 2012 season.  This year, we'll be cheering on the SMU Mustangs as they take on Conference USA.  Plus, as an alumna, my family and I get free tailgate meals at the law school tent pre-kickoff. How is this a bad plan?

Part of me thinks that getting season tickets during the fall when I will be well-advanced in my pregnancy might not be the best idea.  But the other part of me thinks that our 2 and 4 year old boys are going to love it!   How can you not love college football in Texas?  Besides, we really have to establish appropriate college loyalties while our guys are still young.

So anyway, I'm not sure if I'm up for the football pick 'em game this year.  It just seems wrong for a season ticket holder to be in a position where they might have to pick against their own team at some point.  So instead of my weekly brag posts (since I soundly defeated Dear Husband last season), this season, I'll try to share pics and stories of our family outings.  I have no doubt that we'll have plenty of stories to tell.  And who knows, maybe a little college football excitement will even put me into labor this November...

Train Pieces

 Grapevine (TX) Vintage RR.

The other night, my boys were riding in the car with my husband and they discussed their favorite topic--trains.  Since Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railway has it's headquarters near where we live, we have train tracks everywhere.  For little boys who love trains, we live in the best location.  We literally get to go under or over tracks just about every time we leave our house.  This typically leads to cheering and excitement from our back seat.

Anyway, my boys were discussing trains the other night with my husband when they came across a piece of track that had no barricade or flashing lights.  This troubled my oldest son.  He couldn't figure out why this part of the track didn't have a barricade.  When he builds his train tracks at home, he always includes barricades around the crossing areas.

After a few minutes, he apparently figured out the answer to his question.  He said, "Daddy, maybe God just ran out of pieces!"

Although I recognize that we have some theology to work on here, it does make me happy that my son realizes that God is not only our Creator, but also the One who is in control.  And I'm sure my son will be happy when he finally comes to understand that God never runs out of pieces.

Talking to a Mommy-to-be

“If you can’t say something nice… don’t say nothin’ at all.”

~Thumper, from Disney’s Bambi

Sometimes I think pregnancy turns me into a "touchy" person. I wouldn't say that I'm more sensitive when I'm pregnant, because I don't cry or get more emotional while pregnant. Instead, I've noticed that pregnancy seems to make me more defensive. For awhile, I was worried that some hormonal happenings were changing me. But I think I've become convinced that OTHER PEOPLE can be insensitive and rude, thus causing my motherly hackles to rise.

This phenomenon, of course, has made me rethink how I treat other women when I'm not pregnant. I really hope that I haven't offended other mommies-to-be in the past, so I'm creating rules to follow in the future. Based on my experiences as a pregnant woman (x3), here are my rules for making mothers-to-be feel good.

1) If a mommy-to-be tells you about her pregnancy ailments, DO NOT proceed to tell her how wonderful and snappy your pregnancy was. She doesn't care and just assumes that you're bragging. She wants to hear how miserable you were--misery always loves company.

2) Remember that baby's gender is outside of the mommy's control. So don't ever act disappointed or sad when discussing her baby's gender or potential gender. Just because a mommy has 2 boys doesn't mean that she wouldn't be as thrilled with 3 boys as she would be with 2 boys and a girl. Mommies need to love all their children, so celebrate a baby of any gender!

3) If a mommy registers for something that you are sure she doesn't need, don't tell her. There's so much baby stuff out there and new moms don't have a clue. I would have loved to have had another new mom share her insight on baby items, but no one did. So for my first baby, I just registered for what sounded good. Mommies can always make returns.

4) Don't ever make a condescending remark about a mommy's choice of nursery decor or baby gear. If you don't like something, keep your mouth shut. And if you think some baby clothes are ridiculous, who cares--it's not your kid. Most mommies dream of preparing for a baby, so let them enjoy it.

5) Don't share 50 million stories of what other mommies or mommies-to-be are doing. Pregnancy and parenting are journeys that we should all get to experience for ourselves. If we want advice, we usually seek it. Unsolicited advice from others makes us think that you don't approve of what we're doing.

6) Remember that all decisions related to delivery, breastfeeding, circumsicion, etc. are between the mommy and daddy and their doctor. It's none of your business. Pressuring a mommy to make a decision one way or the other causes unnecessary stress. And judging a mommy for the decision that she does make doesn't accomplish anything (but it does create enemies).

7) Be encouraging. Remind mommies that it's going to be ok if they have to have an epidural, or a c-section or an unexpected unmedicated delivery. Remind mommies that very few deliveries go as planned and yet everything still usually works out. DO NOT share horror stores from L & D prior to a mom's delivery. Save that for when she can share her story with you too.

8) Be supportive of however a mommy decides to parent (unless she's doing something that could obviously harm her baby). If she wants to use cloth diapers, let her. If she doesn't want to make her own baby food, don't judge her. And if she has to go back to work in 6 weeks and needs someone else to watch her baby, don't say anything to induce mommy-guilt.

I have met many, many mommies who I think are slightly crazy for some of their pregnancy and parenting decisions. But I've learned that the "to each her own policy" is a great rule. Just because I have a completely different parenting style doesn't make me better. And just because another mommy gets all her advice from some nutty book doesn't mean she'll be bad. I think most mommies are wired with pretty good maternal instincts. Thus, 3rd party commentary that isn't positive and supportive doesn't accomplish much.

So when it comes to conversing with mommies, remember that amazing rule that we all learned years ago from Bambi, "if you can't say something nice...don't say nothin' at all."

Time to Eat More Chicken

Just a reminder that today is August 1!  Per Governor Huckabee's request, today is the day to support your local Chick-Fil-A stores.  Let's remind the business community that it's ok to support Christian values and morals.  We live in a country where we're supposed to be given the right to speak freely.  So lets show our appreciation for this right by eating more chicken today. Happy Chick-Fil-A Day!

Time to Make the Birth Plan

So I'm officially past the half way point in my pregnancy (21+ weeks), and I'm to that point where I have to start thinking about planning for delivery and all the details associated with the birth plan.  A lot of my mommy friends are obsessed with parenting and birthing books when it comes to getting advice for making these decisions.  Some are consumed by the concept of doing everything "natural." While others have declared that they want the least painful approach to childbirth as possible.  All I can say to my friends is this: to each her own.  My personal goal in choosing a birth method is to do what is safest for my baby.

As a nurse attorney who has spent most of the last 3 years working in medical malpractice, I have my own unique perspective on child birth.  It seems that every month or so I get a new birth injury case across my desk.   I have seen a trend among these cases.  Too often something went wrong somewhere, somebody wasn't paying good enough attention, and the caregiver waited way too long to do a c-section, which if performed earlier would have prevented the birth injury and associated complications.  Based on the evidence in these cases (and my personal observations while rotating through L & D in nursing school), C-sections are not the horrible, unnecessary, monstrous procedures that many women view them to be.  In many cases, the c-section is the difference between a baby with brain damage vs. a healthy baby. 

My first delivery was a necessary and urgent c-section in light of some blood pressure and kidney problems I was experiencing.  But the 2nd time around, the ball was in my court and I was given the option of a repeat C-section or a VBAC.  In light of my experience with birth injury cases, I actually consulted one of my firm's medical experts to help me make my decision.  He said that the safest decision I could make for my baby was to deliver him via C-section.  Subsequently, I consulted other professionals on the matter who all agreed that there is no medical advantage to a VBAC.  Thus, I chose the safety first method and had a repeat C-section.  Ultimately this turned out to be a great decision since there was meconium in my water when it spontaneously broke at home.  A quicker delivery turned out to be a good thing for my baby.

This time around, I'm sticking with the decision to choose the safest delivery for my baby. I can honestly say that I don't feel the guilt and grief that other mothers do about not ever having a natural or pain-med free delivery.  For the life of me, I can't figure out why this bothers women.  I mean, I've never heard anyone complain about having their wisdom teeth removed under general anesthesia or having to have a surgical appendectomy.  So this whole mommy guilt that people feel about their deliveries is crazy.  Mommies should realize that the bottom line is this: your goal should be to deliver a healthy and happy baby.  Some mommies do this naturally. Some mommies do this with epidurals. And some mommies do this with surgery.  But regardless of how you deliver, you can still be an awesome mommy.