The Hardest Part of Parenting

The hardest part of parenting is learning not to listen to EVERYONE ELSE.

Parenting should be this amazing adventure of discovery and survival.  It should be an experience of bonding and learning how to communicate with a new life.  It should be a customized journey for each child that recognizes and celebrates their individuality.  But unfortunately, it's a guilt-ridden, headache inducing battle for many families.  Too many moms don't learn to shut out the "noise" from books, culture, relatives, friends, etc. (Yes, Dr. Sears, I'm talking about you too!)  Too many parents see what their friends are doing or what some book says and immediately slap themselves upside the head for not doing that too.  It's pretty sad.

To all the new parents in the world, I would encourage you to stick with your gut.  Use common sense.  And tell the busy bodies to buzz off. You are the parent. Your baby loves you.  So love on your baby and don't let anyone else make you feel bad for being you. 

We are not all created to be the same.  Nor are our children.  I don't want my baby to turn out to be just like yours.  I want him to turn out to be the man God created him to be.  So this is my parenting plan: Rely on God to give me the strength and wisdom to make choices that are in the best interest of MY child.  And all other advice can stay on the shelf where it belongs.

Preeclampsia, Preemie, and Perfect Ending

It's been 4 months since I announced we were going to have a boy.   And so much has happened...

Baby G4 was born in October.  He was 5 weeks early and weighed 3 lbs 14 oz.  5 weeks prior to his delivery, I was hospitalized and diagnosed with preeclampsia.  I had known it was coming.  That maternal instinct just made me feel in my gut that I was headed down this path.  I even started asking for prayer related to my (not yet diagnosed) preeclampsia in August.  In September, on the day I got admitted to L & D, I felt fine.  Still, I had insisted to everyone that I was going to get admitted that day.  I was right.  At 30 weeks and 2 days of pregnancy, my adventure began.

At L & D, my lab work and blood pressure checked out much better than expected.  I was stable and did not need to be placed in the hospital indefinitely.  After 24 hours, my OB released me to "house arrest."  I was instructed to not leave my house and to not go up my stairs.  My only relief was twice weekly appointments to the OB's office for monitoring.  Oh, and I was told to keep my bags packed in case we needed an emergent delivery or admit to the hospital.  This state of pregnancy/ modified bed rest purgatory miraculously lasted for another 5 weeks.

It all went downhill when I hit 35 weeks.  On Monday I checked out fine, but we could tell from the sonogram that baby was small.  By Thursday, my blood pressure was ridiculously high, my amniotic fluid had virtually disappeared, and the biophysical profile showed that baby had not grown in 2 weeks!  I was immediately admitted to L & D where they hooked me up to monitors.  Within 3 hours, the monitors were showing signs of fetal distress, which earned me a trip to the operating room.

The OR was full of personnel.  I had 2 anesthesiologists, an anesthesia tech, a CRNA, 2 surgeons, multiple nurses, multiple scrub techs, a neonatal nurse practitioner, a NICU tech, and my husband.  There was lots of excitement, but all I could focus on was the blood pressure cuff that was squeezing the life out of my hand.  My blood pressure was so high that every 2 minutes when the cuff squeezed my arm, my fingers would get tingly and my arm would turn purple.  It was awful.  (Plus there was an anesthesiologist who I really wanted to smack for being a jerk.)  But then anesthesiologist #2 showed up.  He made me feel wonderful, massaged my back, and talked me through the entire procedure.  He even worked with the nurses to arrange for me to hold my baby when he was delivered.

When the little guy arrived, he was screaming at the top of his lungs.  It was a very welcomed sound.  A baby with preeclampsia and deep decelerations on the fetal monitor could easily be in bad shape.  But my baby was beautiful, pink, loud, and TINY!  His less than 4 pound self was placed on my chest where he calmed down and cuddled with me.  At the point where I felt that my arms couldn't hold him any more, I handed him off to his daddy who accompanied him to the NICU.  20 hours later, I was finally disconnected from my anti-seizure drugs and was allowed to hold and feed him.  That seemed like the longest day. 

On day 4, I had to be discharged from the hospital without my little guy.  His blood sugar was unstable and jaundice had set in.  I cried and cried.  Leaving labor and delivery without a baby is devastating.

After 9 nights of care from his team of special nurses in the NICU, I officially became the only nurse that my little guy needed.  He was discharged to us on Halloween morning.  Even though I crashed that afternoon and don't remember much about that day, Halloween will forever be a special day for me.  It was the first time my family of 6 was together.  And even though I detest the goblins and zombies, next year we will have to go all-out and celebrate it as our family holiday.

G4 is adorable.  He started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old.  He cries when he's hungry, but is otherwise a very content child.  He even enjoys watching ball games with his Daddy.  In spite of the high risk pregnancy and prenatal growth issues, he's a healthy beautiful boy!  He is a perfect ending to a hard and high risk ordeal!

It's a ...

Boy!  Baby #4 finally cooperated and gave us proof that he is indeed a boy.  As Mr. Wonderful so wonderfully put it today, "we're finally getting our own 3rd baseman!" 

A Fun Video That Sums it All Up

Something about having another baby and starting the school year again seems to cause the Mommy War crazies to come out of the woodwork.  I honestly get tired of having to combat questions about why I'm not a "crunchy" mom, why my children aren't in school, and why I consider modern medicine a trustworthy resource.  I come from a very different background than many other mommies, and I think we're all entitled to our own opinions and perspectives.  And I really don't see why I need to apologize for my opinions or justify them in any way.  (And if you want to cloth diaper your exclusively breastfed child who spends all day in day care and co-sleeps with you at night--Go For It!)

So anyway, I came across the Mommy Wars video (produced by Similiac) and I couldn't stop laughing.  All of my friends fit into at least one of these categories.  And I think we would all agree on the ending.  Enjoy:

The Unexpected Socialization Advantage to Homeschooling

 

Sometimes I feel like I'm on an island.  On my island, life actually runs pretty smoothly.  My children have a routine, they are enthusiastically learning, and Mr. Wonderful and I are seeing growth and maturity in each of their lives.  I actually like our island life.  But I must confess, sometimes I get insecure about the fact that I don't always know what's going on outside of our little plot of land.

Everybody says that when you start homeschooling, you really need a good support network.  This makes perfect sense, because it can be very scary to wade out into the water of the unknown by yourself.  Unfortunately, the aforementioned "support network" isn't necessarily readily available--even in a huge multi-city area like where I live.  Sadly, support groups don't grow on trees.  Sure, we have co-ops galore, university model schools everywhere, and random homeschool classes (which we love).  But I can honestly say, I don't have a network of homeschool moms who I can call or turn to for help.  I'm just really lucky to have family members who are willing to talk me off the cliffs when I'm having one of my panicky days.

I was pretty proud of myself when we survived an entire year of kindergarten without too many hiccups in spite of not having a support network.  I heard good reports from our museum school teachers and summer golf coaches about what a great little guy I have and how respectful and smart he is, so I figured that something had gone right last year.  Plus, we were plenty far enough ahead in our curriculum to feel like we were on the right track.  In spite of my instincts that my kids are doing great, I still had this nagging sense of wonder about where my children are in comparison to other kids.  It's hard to compare when you're not regularly around other kids!

It wasn't until I sat in on a class at church last week that I realized how amazing my kids are.  I will be the first to admit when we are struggling with an area, so I'm not one to brag as a sanctimommy by any means.  But I've got to be honest, a lot of the kids at church are irreverent, rude little beasts!  Had I caught either of my boys behaving like the kiddos I saw, I would have been tempted to drag them out of class by their hair.  I knew that there were behavior problems in the elementary classes at church, because my oldest hates to go to class where the "other" kids are constantly getting in trouble.  I absolutely wasn't prepared to also witness a preschool class where most of the children were out-right bad, while my 5 year old sat quietly on his carpet square listening to the story.  It was both a sad and enlightening experience.  Do parents not care about the fact that their children don't know how to behave?  Or do they not realize that they can expect better from their little people?  Or are my expectations just really that much higher for my kids?

Then it dawned on me--just because a child goes to preschool and elementary school and gets "socialized" doesn't necessarily mean that his parents have a clue about his actual social behavior.  When you're with your child everyday, for better or worse, you are intimately acquainted with their behavior flaws.  You have the opportunity to practice social skills in public with your neighborhood barista, Target check-out ladies, librarians, and countless other people that you encounter throughout the week. I can sit on a park bench during science class at the nature center and watch him interact with the other homeschool children in his class.  And Mr. Wonderful can observe him on the golf course as he practices his golf etiquette with his competitors. If I sent my boys off to a classroom everyday, it would be much harder to get a feel for their peer and adult interactions because I wouldn't be there to witness it. 

I'm not saying that there aren't some great kiddos who go to school everyday.  (Hello! I was one of them, if I do say so myself.)  But I am saying that this misnomer that homeschooled kids aren't or can't get properly socialized because they're not around kids every day is just poor logic.  My kids learn their social skills from me, as opposed to from other 5 and 7 year old children.  Plus, we don't have to deal with peer pressure problems from other children, because my guys are learning to be responsible for their own behavior.

Until last week, it never even occurred to me that homeschooling has given me a huge advantage from a parenting aspect because I have all day, almost every day, (we do have outside classes) to reinforce good behavior and attitudes.  Although we initially started out homeschooling because we saw that there could be huge academic advantages, Mr. Wonderful and I are seeing that there are benefits to living life on our island that we never expected.  Who knew that teaching social skills to homeschooled children would be so easy?

School is Back in Session

Figured I would come out of my pregnancy hibernation to share some updates... 

I can't believe that I'm only about 10 or 11 weeks from meeting my newest little one.  Oh how I wish I could share with you whether I'm having a boy or girl, but this baby has absolutely refused to reveal itself to us in spite of multiple ultrasounds.  It's becoming routine for me to tell people that hopefully we'll find out "at next month's ultrasound."  But if I don't find out in 2 weeks, we're going to be officially Team Green on this child.  The doctor says what we've seen looks more like a boy than a girl, but he's still not completely sure.  Either way, baby is getting a red plaid bear and moose nursery.  If it's a girl, we'll just add a few bows here and there.

Not only are we in baby mode again, but we're back on the homeschool saddle for this school year.  We've almost completed three weeks of 1st grade!  This year is going light years better than last year--partly because I'm not a rookie mom making rookie mistakes, and partly because my little guy is much more engaged this year. 

After the tears and headaches of last spring, I decided to change up our curriculum.  I still like the idea of a Charlotte Mason combined with a classical approach, but I'm not committing myself to a "style" this year.  I threw out half of the Memoria Press plan for 2nd grade (our guy is a year ahead), and decided that we'll revisit their curriculum in junior high when we're ready to dive more into a classical study.  I still really like some aspects of the curriculum, but I can honestly say that phonics was discouraging and we're not ready for the American cursive that is pervasive in all their 1st and 2nd grade workbooks.

Since I'm a bit more systematic in my own approach to learning, I decided to choose curriculum on a subject-by-subject basis.  A year ago, I would have died at the thought of "customizing" my own plan.  But as it turns out, I don't follow guidelines so well myself, and pre-prepared teacher lesson plans kind of get on my nerves (if you're a professional educator, I'm sure this statement makes you cringe).  Anyway, starting from scratch with each subject has been loads of fun.

For now, we're using the following books for these subjects:

• Bible- God's Great Covenant OT (1) by Classical Academic Press
• Spelling- 2nd grade spelling by BJU Press
• English- 2nd grade English by BJU Press (coordinates with spelling)
• Math- grade 3 by Rod & Staff
• Social Studies- grade 2 by Rod & Staff
• Science- Grade 1 by Christian Liberty Press; Homeschool Zoo classes once per month; and a homeschool class at a local nature preserve once a week (how many kids get to go on a 60 minute hike in the woods every week?!)
• Writing- Handwriting Without Tears, 1st grade 
• Reading- we're spending our first quarter reading science books for kids; we've also incorporated weekly book reports
• PE- Jr. PGA golf tournaments; will sign up for basketball this winter

Next semester we will be adding a health and manners book, Latin, and science grade 2 when we finish some of the subjects we're currently doing.

How are we going to pull all of this off with a new baby?  Who knows?!  We'll figure it out.  12 weeks ago I would have told you that I would be too sick to homeschool in August, but here we are.

I really want to document our school experiences more, so I'll try to do better.  But with Baby #4 coming so soon, I'm not making any promises.  Just know that I haven't forgot y'all.  Can't wait to share stories about life as a family of 6.  (And no, there will be no bump pictures for you.  I'm not sicko enough to think that's cute.  If you really want to know what my little self looks like pregnant, you'll have to call my mom.  Otherwise, you'll just have to wait for pics of the baby...)

Time to Celebrate!

 

We did it!  Today is a day of celebration.

Today was the official last day to our first year of homeschooling.  Our kindergartner is now a 1st grader!

This year started out great.  Then we had some bumps in the road that we had to deal with (mom thinking like an institutionalized educated person and needing to get "out of the box", attitudes, morning sickness, and being rained-in the house for the last month).  Thankfully, all members of our homeschool team stepped up with encouragement and help when we needed it.  And we did it.

Yes, that's right.  I included morning sickness as one of our problems.  To say that I have been "under-the-weather" for the last couple of months would be a huge understatement.  We found out in March that baby #4 will be joining us this fall!  And pretty much ever since, this baby has made me sicker than I thought a pregnant lady could be (and yes, hyperemesis gravidarum is a real thing!).  I would have blogged sooner, but did you really want to read posts by a miserable pregnant lady?  Didn't think so.

I feel like there's so much to say about what's happened over the course of our last few months, but that can wait.  Today is a day to celebrate and be thankful for the successful end of a first school year and the successful end to a hard first trimester! Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us.  And we give our ultimate thanks to God who has been carrying us along! 

Sunday Shoes

http://joyfolie.com/shoes

My boys are very predictable.  When we pick our oldest son up from his Sunday School class the teacher always tells us that he listened well, answered the questions, and was a good helper.   He's involved, excited to be in his class, and he makes the teacher feel like someone understood her lesson.  Tornado man, the middle boy, is entirely different.  In spite of his nickname, he's very quiet.  His Sunday School teachers usually get really excited when he participates at all.  Although he can come home and recite almost every lesson or Bible verse verbatim, in the classroom, he's generally withdrawn and shy. 

And then there is Princess G.  It seems that every week her teachers share an interesting story about her.  They love her and think she's adorable, yet she is anything but predictable.  For example, there was the week when she had to defend herself against the rest of the class, which was apparently all boys.  Supposedly, some boy attempted to take her truck away and she put up a fight and won.  Then there was the week that she refused to take off her leather jacket because it was cute and she didn't want to give it away.  Then there was the week that she decided to dance during the entire class to every song playing on the CD player.  Or there was another week where she wanted someone to read a book to her and she listened well.  Or there was a different week when she decided to be all artsy and did some serious coloring.  Its seems that class with the princess is never dull.

This week, Princess G was on a different kind of mission.  She was on a shoe hunt.  Apparently, during the class time, she cornered each girl in her class and discussed their shoes with them.  I'm sure the conversations went something like "cute shoes" or "like your boots" or something similar.  It's hard to say.  She gets all excited about her own shoes or boots that I lay out on Sunday mornings, so I guess she decided to get all excited about EVERYBODY'S shoes this week.

I wish I could say that I have no idea why Princess G is obsessed with shoes.  But I'd be lying.  She's somewhat a creature of her own environment and she definitely has some genetic shoe disorder like her mother.  What can I say?  I too approached someone at church to talk about her pretty heels yesterday.  I guess us girls speak a language of our own.  Shoes are like an art form to us.  They're great conversation pieces, and they're a great tool for making friends at church!

Princess G's Fashion Trends

When I found out I was having a little girl, I obsessed about girly things like bows and sparkles and anything pink.  Now that Princess G is 2 years old, it's safe to say that she has a great collection of hair bows and headbands.  Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this cause--including my friend Casey who made us some fab custom bows!  I have learned that a girl is never too young for blingy accessories.  And mommies who fail to accessorize are missing out on one of the most enjoyable aspects of being a SMOG (smug mothers of girls). 

Like any stylish girl, my Princess G has found her own trends for this season.  It might sound rather diva-ish that she has her own trends at the age of 2, but if you meet her, you'll understand that her artistic personality needs an outlet for her personal expression.  Thus, she has her own style trends.

Sadly, one of her trends this year involves NOT wearing bows.  (Go figure!)  Instead she's obsessed with wearing hats.  And she adores boots and coats.  If you saw my closet, you'd probably understand the boots and coats obsession, but the hat trend is all Princess G.  She has learned that if she leaves the hats on, she gets quite the buzz when we go shopping.  Who doesn't love a little princess in a red tam?

At first, I figured that the hat obsession was just to spite me since she knows I'm a "no bow, no go" mamma.  But in reality, I think she just likes hats.  

He Got His Face Wet

The first Sunday morning of the year, our 6 year old was baptized in our church.  It was exciting to get to share this special time with family and friends as he publicly professed his faith.  He had asked to be baptized almost a year ago, but a fear of getting his face wet led to the year delay.  So watching him get baptized was a huge step of maturity for him both spiritually and physically.  Our boy is growing up!