The Unexpected Socialization Advantage to Homeschooling

 

Sometimes I feel like I'm on an island.  On my island, life actually runs pretty smoothly.  My children have a routine, they are enthusiastically learning, and Mr. Wonderful and I are seeing growth and maturity in each of their lives.  I actually like our island life.  But I must confess, sometimes I get insecure about the fact that I don't always know what's going on outside of our little plot of land.

Everybody says that when you start homeschooling, you really need a good support network.  This makes perfect sense, because it can be very scary to wade out into the water of the unknown by yourself.  Unfortunately, the aforementioned "support network" isn't necessarily readily available--even in a huge multi-city area like where I live.  Sadly, support groups don't grow on trees.  Sure, we have co-ops galore, university model schools everywhere, and random homeschool classes (which we love).  But I can honestly say, I don't have a network of homeschool moms who I can call or turn to for help.  I'm just really lucky to have family members who are willing to talk me off the cliffs when I'm having one of my panicky days.

I was pretty proud of myself when we survived an entire year of kindergarten without too many hiccups in spite of not having a support network.  I heard good reports from our museum school teachers and summer golf coaches about what a great little guy I have and how respectful and smart he is, so I figured that something had gone right last year.  Plus, we were plenty far enough ahead in our curriculum to feel like we were on the right track.  In spite of my instincts that my kids are doing great, I still had this nagging sense of wonder about where my children are in comparison to other kids.  It's hard to compare when you're not regularly around other kids!

It wasn't until I sat in on a class at church last week that I realized how amazing my kids are.  I will be the first to admit when we are struggling with an area, so I'm not one to brag as a sanctimommy by any means.  But I've got to be honest, a lot of the kids at church are irreverent, rude little beasts!  Had I caught either of my boys behaving like the kiddos I saw, I would have been tempted to drag them out of class by their hair.  I knew that there were behavior problems in the elementary classes at church, because my oldest hates to go to class where the "other" kids are constantly getting in trouble.  I absolutely wasn't prepared to also witness a preschool class where most of the children were out-right bad, while my 5 year old sat quietly on his carpet square listening to the story.  It was both a sad and enlightening experience.  Do parents not care about the fact that their children don't know how to behave?  Or do they not realize that they can expect better from their little people?  Or are my expectations just really that much higher for my kids?

Then it dawned on me--just because a child goes to preschool and elementary school and gets "socialized" doesn't necessarily mean that his parents have a clue about his actual social behavior.  When you're with your child everyday, for better or worse, you are intimately acquainted with their behavior flaws.  You have the opportunity to practice social skills in public with your neighborhood barista, Target check-out ladies, librarians, and countless other people that you encounter throughout the week. I can sit on a park bench during science class at the nature center and watch him interact with the other homeschool children in his class.  And Mr. Wonderful can observe him on the golf course as he practices his golf etiquette with his competitors. If I sent my boys off to a classroom everyday, it would be much harder to get a feel for their peer and adult interactions because I wouldn't be there to witness it. 

I'm not saying that there aren't some great kiddos who go to school everyday.  (Hello! I was one of them, if I do say so myself.)  But I am saying that this misnomer that homeschooled kids aren't or can't get properly socialized because they're not around kids every day is just poor logic.  My kids learn their social skills from me, as opposed to from other 5 and 7 year old children.  Plus, we don't have to deal with peer pressure problems from other children, because my guys are learning to be responsible for their own behavior.

Until last week, it never even occurred to me that homeschooling has given me a huge advantage from a parenting aspect because I have all day, almost every day, (we do have outside classes) to reinforce good behavior and attitudes.  Although we initially started out homeschooling because we saw that there could be huge academic advantages, Mr. Wonderful and I are seeing that there are benefits to living life on our island that we never expected.  Who knew that teaching social skills to homeschooled children would be so easy?