The Desire of My Soul

"In the path of your judgments, O Lord, we wait for you; your name and remembrance are the desire of our soul." Isaiah 26:8

I've been feeling rather convicted lately.  For the past 18+ weeks, I've been physically ill, tired, and rather miserable.  I have allowed my physical misery to permeate my life and to affect my attitude, my housework, and my relationships.  I have been consciously aware of my bad attitude and have been struggling in my heart and mind with the knowledge that this is sin.  As a result, I haven't really shared much this summer on my blog about what's going on in my head.  Instead, it's just been so much easier to vent out the frustrations of a typical pregnant woman.  I'm sorry.  That is not the intent of this blog.

This week, I hit a wall when I confronted my bad attitude as sin and as completely contrary to what God wants for me.  I'm supposed to be rejoicing in Him and in the amazing gift of life that He has placed inside of me.  I have no idea why God has allowed me to experience 3 yucky pregnancies, but who am I to question His plan for me?  When I came across Isaiah 26:8 this week, I was reminded that my attitude has been so completely opposite of what it should be.  Instead of focusing on my earthly misery (which we're supposed to expect anyway), I should be passionate about Jesus and should be focusing on His greatness.  After all, I would be anticipating eternal suffering if it were not for the redemptive act of Jesus' sacrifice for me on the cross.

Despite my woes and gripes over the past few months, I must say that I'm slightly surprised and discouraged that only one person called me out on my bad attitude.  (Thanks for the verse mom--I did read and appreciate it even though I never said anything.)  Instead, people have sympathized with me, joined me in my complaining, or have avoided me as much as possible.  While this might be socially appropriate, I'm pretty confident that it's not the tactic that the Apostle Paul would have used if he were around.  Instead, he would have told me to quit sinning and to rejoice in all that God has done!  

God has been good to me.  God gave up the life of His only Son for me.  God redeemed me from eternal suffering and punishment.  And God has given me bountiful gifts and blessings like my sweet children.  How can his name not be the desire of my soul?  And how can we not encourage each other to focus on the the greatness of God?!