The Strong-Willed Son

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.
~General Douglas MacArthur

What do you get when two law students have a baby?  You get a child who seems destined for adversity.  You get a strong-willed child.  You also get a child who actually thinks outside of the box.  For example, when our son was told he could finish his milk at the kitchen table or go outside without finishing his milk and drink water for the rest of the night, he declined both choices.  Instead, he suggested that he could do both and drink his milk outside.  What child creates his own option 3?  (My child developmental psychology classes never mentioned that 3 year olds could negotiate their own terms.)

Oh my, parenting isn't as easy as it looks.  Our oldest child is really a sweet kid, and he's very smart.  But he likes to have things his way.  Skirmishes between mother and son are a regular occurrence at our house.  And last night, we had a midnight incident that gives me a migraine just to think about.  I lost a lot of sleep last night and ended up finally taking James Dobson's, The New Strong-Willed Child book off my bookshelf this morning for the first time. 

I really thought that I could parent a child without having to read a parenting book.  And I probably could.  That said, I'm 2 chapters into this new book and am already encouraged by what I'm reading.  I can tell that I'm on the right track and have been getting good advice from the wise people in my life.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that my own mother has told me the exact same thing that Dr. Dobson says on page 12: "Choose carefully the matters that are worthy of confrontation, then accept [his] challenge on those issues and win decisively. Reward every positive, cooperative gesture that [he] makes by offering your attention, affection and verbal praise. Then take two aspirin and call me in the morning." 

I'll never forget the day we were shopping in Target and my mom told me that I was letting my toddler "win."  I was very pregnant at the time and extremely exhausted.  Decisively "winning" the battle with my toddler actually required more energy than I felt I could expend.  Winning usually involved some type of physical activity--removing him from the scene, spanking, or getting in his face and having the stare down. Thankfully, when pregnant mommy was failing miserably at winning my battles Grandma reminded me that I have to start earning his respect at an early age by winning the early battles.  Pregnant or not, Mommy needed to make her powerful presence real in the life of her toddler.

Over the past year, Mommy has definitely made some progress.  Daddy and Mommy are regularly winning the battles that we choose to fight.  We've also agreed that we don't negotiate with 3 year olds.  Plus, Mommy has realized that she can't parent alone.  Daily prayer, wisdom from successful parents, sermons, books, and Bible verses are giving Mommy the energy to keep going.

Parenting isn't as easy as it looks.  In fact, it's hard.  I guess it will be interesting to see how the child of two attorneys turns out.  Who knows, maybe he'll confront adversity head-on and be a mediator...